This is a question that I am asked alot but my 30 something dating and sometimes married friends. Matters of the heart are usually tricky to answer for most people but, I’m not one of those people. I think it’s pretty easy to know if a guy is worth keeping around or if you should move along and quit while your ahead. First let me say, I know that there are amazing men out there funny, cute, and kind these guys make ideal partners on our messy journey. However having said that, I will also say that those fabulous men are hard to find out there. I mean really hard to find, so here is my advise on staying or leaving.
I’ve been married for almost twenty years with two kids. (one is a teenager. Yikes!) It’s not perfect but I have never doubted if he was up for the work of a lifetime relationship. Despite our frequent arguements and differences, I know we got lucky but after 20 years it’s got to be a bit more than that. There is no question that a relationship is hard work and that we women are no walk in the park (that’s another post). This post is for women out there that know that the guy they are with is not really into it but they stay anyway for various reasons – they are afraid, they make themselves believe that the guy is enough. The clock is ticking to find a good guy so we make all sorts of excuses for him. Another big one is what will people think about your broken relationship.
Ask yourself these questions about your mate. This is a list of five “dump him” signs if it sounds like your guy it may mean you need to walk away no matter how painful. Some might surprise you. This applies to new husbands as well – lets face it sometimes we marry the wrong person only to realize after you walk down the aisle if you don’t have kids my advise is to get out while you can, it only gets more painful with kids.
#1- Drinks to excess frequently or hangs out with go nowhere friends frequently. If you think this is harsh, just wait until you have kids.
#2- Self absorbed – often doesn’t consider your feelings or lacks willingness to make your life easier. Can’t count on him.
Example: Won’t walk or feed dog. Does the minimum around the house if you live together. If your dating he refuses to deactivate his dating profile online even though you’ve been dating for two months – that’s right only two month ladies.
#3- Too controlling or jealous – Excessive calls & texts interfering with work or time with friends. Bothered by your independence. Doesn’t consider your interests when making plans.
#4- Too Lazy – No job or too few hours working makes for major resentment.
#5- Too unwilling to commit – this is a big one ladies! If a guy is not interested in commiting with you after 7-8 months (this is after 30 years old) get rid of him if you want to get married and have kids. I know you think that’s crazy right, it’s not believe me he knows in the first month.
I know that most ladies out there are probably saying this list is too severe, but I am telling you that if these issues are working your nerves and nudging you with doubt now in the early stages of a romance they tend to only get compounded with time and real life issues creeping in. Remember to make a decision that is compassionate to you and your future.
Here’s the good news Ladies if you edit carefully the great guys get more time to find their way into your life. Keep the faith and be good to yourself first and it will make all the difference. Don’t be afraid of what people will say. If they love you they will understand in time.